he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
