you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
