so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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