is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
