I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
