he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
As shirtless as possible
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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