Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
