i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
