ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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