That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
