i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Randomize
