it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
