I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
