I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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