We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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