I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
