Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
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