im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
