You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
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