Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
