If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
