Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
