I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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