Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This baby is an asshole
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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