: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
