So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
