Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
