Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
