Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
