and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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