did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
My first STD was from a foam party
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
