Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
