i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
me + whiskey = a bad person
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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