it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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