his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
