I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
