Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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