five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
it's like heaven, but drunker
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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