also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
