i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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