i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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