One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I could fuck to npr.
Randomize
