Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
