From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
