You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
