Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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