I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
