im drinking this country out of the recession.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
