Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
