I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
