i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Randomize
