so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
i just had sex bonerless
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
